Pittance of Punditry on Women in Military Service

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I really hate it when women in public positions spout off anti-feminist platitudes. For example, how does Liz Trotta think she got where she is, if not on the backs of women who pushed to be able to engage and be taken seriously in public discourse (i.e., “feminists”)?  Maybe you never heard of Liz Trotta either? I hadn’t, until I saw this video. Lis Trotta is a FOX News “pundit,” and here she’s opining about women serving in the US military who’d been raped while in service.

(if you received this post as an email and cannot view the video, you can see it on my blog online or at Media Matters. If you are using an iPad or iPhone, you may have to go to a computer that plays Flash.)

So much deliberate ignorance, packed into less than 4 minutes.  I’ll just point out the parts I consider most egregious.

  • She objects to how much is spent on issues around sexual assault. $113 million annually, she says. Is that a lot of money? It would be to me personally. However, the military commands a budget is somewhat larger than mine, and this military expenditure is fiscally comparable to my buying one plain old coffee, not even a latte (double short, non-fat milk, please).
  • She is astounded that people in the military are still people. Apparently, once you join the military you can be disregarded as having any real needs other than to protect Americans. Because the mission of the Army and other services is to defend and protect us, not those actually fighting the war. I am astounded at the sheer lack of humanity of that statement. Liz, the people sent to defend and protect us ARE US. 
  • She believes that rape just happens when men and women are in close proximity. Bull. People make the choice to rape. When “pundits” spout off that we can expect men to commit rape, they are giving their permission for rape to happen. 
  • She seems to believe that this is strictly a male-female problem. While a greater percentage of women in military service are raped, a far greater number of men are raped while in military service. Funny how she doesn’t mention that.
  • She objects to “feminists” wanting to be warriors and victims at the same time. Really? I’ve worked for years with women veterans who had been sexually assaulted. None of them wanted to be victims. Almost all of them were proud of their service to the United States, and wanted the wrongs done to them recognized and justice served. And isn’t that at the core of being American?

Adam Weinstein’s article in Mother Jones points out some fascinating facts of Trotta’s background that make her statements appear even more ludicrous.

You can help. One female military veteran has begun a petition on Change.org to ask the US House and Senate Armed Services Committee to change the way sexual assault is handled. Because rape should NOT be expected, or tolerated, when women sign up to serve. Please sign it today; remember that sharing is caring, so pass it along to your friends.

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Caution Keeps You Aware. Fear Keeps You . . .

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“I am going to be raped.”

Monday morning’s radio, KUOW-FM Weekday with Steve Scher and his guest Willie Weir. Weir is an “adventure traveler,” predominantly by bicycle. He has a tale about a “fork in the road,” an event that could be life-changing. Could have been life-changing, and not in a positive way. This happened about 20 years ago, alone in a foreign land by the sea.

Weir was looking for a place to pitch his tent. He accepted an offer to be led to a secluded site by a local man. The site was perfect, in a grove of trees just away from a hotel. The threat of sexual assault had never been part of his world. Until then.

Denial, fear, acceptance, and then clarity. The local man was bigger and stronger (not to mention he had a machete). Weir realized that he needed to get closer to the nearby hotel, so he feigned compliance to lull the man into letting his guard down. He began drawing the man closer to the open area near the hotel, breaking the isolation of this perfect camping site. He saw an open door at the hotel, and people just within, so Weir used his voice to attract attention. And the man ran. Weir was now alone.

You can hear Weir’s telling at http://www.kuow.org/podcast/WeekdayA/WeekdayA20120206.mp3 (note: this is the whole show, Weir’s tale begins at about the 31 minute mark).

“This trip was over.” He considered going home right then. He sat on the beach all night, and by morning he had changed his mind and resolved to keep on going.

“Caution keeps you aware. Fear keeps you away.”

Weir felt that if he gave up on his trip and went home, he may never have traveled again. This was about who he wanted to be, and he knew he did not want to live in fear.

After three decades now of bicycle travel, Weir has the experience to exercise caution while still enjoying travels off the beaten path. He understands the risks and the rewards. And the beauty, people, laughs, and adventure outweigh the risks over 100-fold.

I’ve taught self-defense skills to women who travel, with others or often solo. They all have said they learn from their experiences, and wouldn’t give it up for anything. And, as a result, they feel safer, more confident, and more alive.

Aware or away — where would you rather be?

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You Are Not Perfect: Reason #5 Why Rape is Under-Reported

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Today’s not-so-news is that the prosecutor’s office is going to ask to have the sexual abuse charges against Dominique Strauss Kahn dismissed.

Read all about it:  http://www.usatoday.com/money/world/story/2011/08/AP-source-DA-likely-to-drop-Strauss-Kahn-case/50085112/1

Their issue is that the plaintiff was not completely honest about aspects of her past.

However, none of the lies that diminish her credibility had anything to do with the facts of this case.

So, ladies, this has some serious repercussions for us all. Did you ever lie, even a little, about how many calories that “sliver” of cheescake had? Or about how much you spent on that outfit? Did you ever exaggerate, ever so slightly, about your last vacation or last night’s date? Sure these may have seemed harmless at the time, but your credibility is now totally, irrevocably, damaged should you ever have the need to press charges of rape.

And guess what else? A number of rapists actually seek out potential victims who would make less credible plaintiffs.

Learn how to better prevent rape, as well as get better DNA evidence, in a self-defense class.

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Why Rape is Under-Reported: Reason #11

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Because sometimes those charged with keeping a safe environment act with indifference.

Here’s a current example:  http://www.news-leader.com/article/20110816/NEWS12/110816008/Lawsuit-filed-against-Republic-School-District-over-rape-claim
and http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2011/08/17/297888/missouri-school-sued-for-allegedly-making-special-ed-student-write-apology-letter-to-her-rapist/ (same story, 2 articles).

In this story, a special education middle-school girl is penalized for reporting harassment and assault by a classmate. She’s even made, by school authorities, to write an apology and hand-deliver it to her rapist. Then she’s expelled from school, for allegedly making a false report.

When she’s allowed to return to the school the next year, she is again harassed and assaulted by the same boy. School authorities again do not believe her, but this time her mother takes her to a Child Advocacy Center for an exam. Seems the exam showed she had been raped; semen found on her is said to match that of the boy. Boy is arrested, charged, and plead guilty.

Family files lawsuit against School District. School District replies that the girl failed to use reasonable means to protect herself, the suit against them is frivolous, and hence the School District defendants are entitled to be awarded attorneys’ fees.

So, it’s the girl’s fault. Again.

And that’s still another reason that sexual assault is rarely reported.

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Ruckus over Rihanna: Criminal or Candor?

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Rihanna’s recent video, Man Down, is stirring up some controversy. She portrays a woman shooting a man who raped her.

(If you can’t view this here, watch on YouTube: http://youtu.be/sEhy-RXkNo0)

Cartoonist Darrin Bell (Candorville) not only got a really clear message (“don’t rape!”), he sent out an equally clear message (“don’t excuse rape!”) in last Sunday’s strip.

What do you think the message is here?

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A Slutwalk By Any Other Name

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“You know, I think we’re beating around the bush here,” the officer said, according to one attendee. “I’ve been told I’m not supposed to say this, however, women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.”

That was the unfortunate comment, made by Toronto police constable Michael Sanguinetti on January 24th to a small group of students. Blogged and tweeted around the world, this comment spawned a global movement. Slutwalk was born.

Sanguinetti has since apologized, and is reported to have been disciplined and will receive additional training. Presumably he had received training before this event. The Toronto police asserts that their officers are taught that nothing a woman does contributes to sexual assault. Yet this slip of the tongue did happen. Despite the fact that the vast majority of women who were assaulted were not dressed like “sluts,” whatever that means (see yesterday’s blog post for what it really does mean). Despite the fact that dress does not cause sexual assault. And despite the fact that the person committing the rape needs to be accountable for his own actions. Period.

Despite all the good cops out there, it’s those thoughtless and arrogant ones who are featured in the nightly news. Still another reason why few women report rape to law enforcement. Why I’ll be at Slutwalk Seattle this coming Sunday. And why I still continue to teach self-defense classes.

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Compare and Contrast: Unwanted Penetrations and Pete DeGraaf

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Seems that Kansas State House Rep. Pete DeGraaf is having trouble telling a flat tire from a rape.

The Kansas legislature passed a bill banning insurance companies from offering abortion coverage as part of their general coverage (women who would want that coverage would have to buy that separately). During the debate, Rep. Barbara Bollier “questioned whether women would buy abortion-only policies long before they have crisis or unwanted pregnancies or are rape victims.” (As we already know, insurance companies just love to cover “pre-existing conditions.”) Fellow Rep. DeGraaf replied that women should plan ahead for situations such as rape; after all, he plans ahead and carries a spare in his car. Just in case his tire is violently and unwantedly penetrated.

Check out this story in ThinkProgress.org.

While there is nothing wrong with planning ahead for unwanted situations in life (that is what a SIGNIFICANT part of self-defense training is about), Rep DeGraaf’s comparison is totally bogus. Do we ask people to similarly plan ahead for heart disease, by forcing them to buy separate insurance? How about car accidents – will I need to purchase ER coverage because by law it can’t be included in my general medical policy?

The real point is not about planning, it is clearly a blatant attack on women’s abilities to control their own health care, particularly reproductive care. One of the oldest power ploys in the book. Don’t fall for this one.

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Creepy and Kooky, Revisited

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Two weeks ago I blogged about a Manitoba judge’s sentencing for a rapist:

https://www.strategicliving.org/its-creepy-and-its-kooky-but-neither-mysterious-nor-spooky

Today I found this spot-on blog post that begins with the very same judge (blog written by Krista Ball):


http://kristadball.com/blog/archives/553

The bigger picture, aside from a single judge’s sentencing, is the depiction of rape.  It’s not about sex, it’s not about a “misunderstanding,” it’s about power and control.

It’s about teaching consent, so sorely missing because of embarrassment and/or shame around sex. Open discussion around these difficult topics would remove some of the stigma, and perhaps even result in a few more young women recognizing how to set their own boundaries and NOT GET RAPED.

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The Fuzzy Formula, or Still Another Reason Why Rape is Under-Reported

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When can no “no” = yes?

When someone does not clearly communicate a lack of consent to sexual acts. At least under the law, according to the King County Prosecutor’s Office.

I don’t closely follow sports, but you’d have to be living under a rock in Seattle to miss the story of UW basketball star player Venoy Overton allegedly providing alcohol to two 16 year old girls and engaging in sexual acts with them. 

You can read the Seattle Times’ story of his arrest for providing alcohol here: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2014433742_overton09m.html. Please note that he has not been charged with sexual assault, because:

King County Senior Deputy Prosecutor Carol Spoor called the case “highly problematic” because the girl participated in sex acts under “situational pressure.”

State law, Spoor wrote, “places the burden on the victim to clearly communicate a lack of consent to the suspect, which she did not do.”

Most of the articles on this incident focus on the loss to the team of this player, at least for the Pac-10 tournament.  However, UW basketball coach Lorenzo Romar is quoted as saying he’d put Overton back on the team roster should they be invited to the NCAA tournament (otherwise known as “March Madness”).  Because his guy made a mistake, and this is a teachable moment.

As a teacher, I’m all for the teachable moment. Some mistakes, however, are more far-reaching than are others, and I am also all for appropriate consequences. For the girl who feels coerced, this experience will likely be deeper and longer-lasting than any repercussions felt by either the Huskies or Overton.

Every teenager and young adult will face “situational pressure.”  (Heck, EVERY person will face situational pressure, over and over, in their lifetimes.)  These instances can feel like being stuck between a rock and a hard place: the choice often seems to be between going along with the group or not having friends. How do we help young people recognize what they want for themselves, honor that, and still live fulfilling social lives? 
This should be a teachable moment for young people, male and female, about consent.  But we won’t be seeing that in the sports pages — or any other media pages — anytime soon. Sexual assault is the social-issue wolf disguised in the individual-sheep’s-problem clothing.

Madness, indeed, is not limited to March.

PS – Learning to assert boundaries is sadly lacking in too many teen girls today. This kind of sensible savvy is practiced in Strategic Living’s For Teen Girls Only Self Defense classes. Next session will be April 2 in Burlington WA, and then April 9 in Seattle on the UW campus.

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It’s Creepy and it’s Kooky; But Neither Mysterious nor Spooky

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When we talk about date rape in my self-defense classes, I usually begin thusly:

Once upon a time, in a galaxy not at all far away, conventional wisdom said that rape was committed by lonely, horny guys.  Such a guy would encounter a woman who dressed a bit too provocatively and acted a tad too flirtatiously, and “lead him on.”  So of course he couldn’t control himself and whoops! his penis fell into her.

Little did I know that a judge in Manitoba was telling the same story! Except that Judge Robert Dewar was taking this tale literally when he declined to give a convicted rapist any jail time (the prosecution asked for 3 years incarceration).  Why?  Because he felt that “sex was in the air” at the moment and whoops! the poor guy couldn’t control it.

Read the article here:  http://www.winnipegfreepress.com/breakingnews/rape-victim-inviting-so-no-jail–rape-victim-inviting-so-no-jail-116801578.html

This article is a pretty good example of how sleight-of-mouth can downplay the gravity of the offense.  For instance, defense attorney Derek Coggan stated that his client was just “insensitive to the fact that [the victim] was not a willing participant” in that night’s sexual intercourse. After all, no force was used, no weapon shown, and they were both drinking.

Last I checked, rape was defined as sexual penetration where one party is not a willing participant.  Being an “insensitive guy” isn’t a crime.  But being a rapist is.

The defendant will, however, have to write a letter of apology to the victim. Whew!  I was beginning to worry.

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