Last night Kiro 7 News had a story of a 14 year old girl who fought off a potential rapist. She was walking from her bus stop when a guy grabbed her and tried to drag her off. She fought back, and she won!

Kiro 7 interviewed several people on the street for the version they broadcast last night. Most expressed concern and fear about the attack. Two of the comments are more noteworthy.

One was from a woman who stated she was glad the girl was able to fight off the assailant, BUT not everyone would be able to do that. She’s right. Not everyone can, BUT I’ll bet she’d be surprised how many women really can fight back with really simple techniques (BTW, several of my five week self-defense courses are just about to begin, if you want to learn those skills). It dismays me when women just write off the possibility.

The second noteworthy comment was the very last one. “What was a 14 year old girl doing out at 1:00 in the morning?” Indeed, that was often brought up by some of the online comments from viewers. That may be a good question for her parents, but it in no way, shape, or form lessens the responsibility of the attacker for his actions. Regardless of why she was out, the attacker should be brought to account for his misdeeds.

The report rape for sexual assault is already too low (somewhere between 15 and 30% are reported to law enforcement). Women and girls who are targeted are less likely to report if it includes getting scolded by the “well-meaning but clueless” brigade. So I wag my finger at Kiro 7 News for not only including that comment, but making it the very final statement on air.

Your voice is your most critical self-defense tool.

In this news story, a woman out walking was assaulted. Her screams attracted the attention of another woman, who came to her aid. They were then able to fight off the attacker, who ran. According to this report, the woman was not seriously hurt but was shaken and upset.

And that illustrates Reason #2 (of 6) of why your voice is important: because it can attract attention. Attention can mean help. Help can thwart an attack. Thwarting an attack can mean less pain and a shorter recovery time from trauma.

Attracting attention sometimes also results in the attacker getting caught. And attackers don’t want to be caught. What do you want?

Much has been made about this movement’s chosen name. While the choice of Slutwalk has offended some, it’s also created a LOT of debate and discussion and controversy and buzz. That’s publicity.

Patrick Williams of YOU ROCK! Communications puts it this way:

About 15 years ago, Taco Bell got a lot of attention by claiming they had bought the Liberty Bell and renamed it the Taco Liberty Bell.

A few years later, Burger King advertised a left-handed hamburger that generated a lot of curiosity and interest.

Both of those ‘news’ items turned out to be promotional stunts and they both generated lots of publicity.

Any time you can do something outrageous, you have a chance to attract the kind of media coverage that money just can’t buy.

I think there’s been too much discussion on the name and less on the focus, but hey that seems to be what it takes to get attention and to spread the word to people who wouldn’t give “Rally ‘Round Against Rape” a second yawn.

And the focus of Slutwalk, from my reading, is that women are not asking to be raped, regardless of what they are wearing. Some criticize the movement as encouraging women to dress “like sluts,” and yes there will be some who advocate that look. Every mass movement is made up of lots of people with their own agendas and foci. You can go through all the blogs and Facebook pages and postings and find plenty of examples of “public sluttiness.” If that’s what you’re going to zoom in on, you’ve missed the point.

As a self-defense instructor, I don’t tell people how to dress. Besides my lack of fashion sense, I feel that can too readily be construed as victim-blaming. I do suggest how my students may be seen by others, and how some attire (or other aspects of appearance) can be used as a handy excuse for somebody else’s bad behavior. Or how it could attract someone looking for a target. And then recommend safety strategies they can use to compensate for possible increased risk.

Women do not ask to be raped. Ever. Period.

First, let me make it clear what I mean by “slut.” Slut is a noun with excess baggage. Slut is used as a negative judgmental label applied by Person A onto Person B. Generally Person B is female, and Person A is often but certainly not always male. Person A disapproves of Person B’s general appearance, style of dress, or some other behavior. Person A then labels Person B as a “slut,” frequently to justify their own bad, if not abusive, behavior to Person B.

The label “slut” actually tells more about the mental framework (prejudices and stereotypes) of Person A, and little about the woman at whom this epithet is hurled.

Much has been made about Slutwalks reclaiming the word “slut.” I can’t say that I’ll be going to Seattle’s Slutwalk to “reclaim” anything. I do not care to reclaim, reframe, or rehabilitate the word “slut.” I want to quash this word as a weapon. I want to nullify its negative energy, neutralize its power, negate its impact on women.

And any weapon can be overcome. With a little preparation, we all can learn to minimize its impact. Because nobody deserves to be targeted for rape.

When can no “no” = yes?

When someone does not clearly communicate a lack of consent to sexual acts. At least under the law, according to the King County Prosecutor’s Office.

I don’t closely follow sports, but you’d have to be living under a rock in Seattle to miss the story of UW basketball star player Venoy Overton allegedly providing alcohol to two 16 year old girls and engaging in sexual acts with them. 

You can read the Seattle Times’ story of his arrest for providing alcohol here: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/localnews/2014433742_overton09m.html. Please note that he has not been charged with sexual assault, because:

King County Senior Deputy Prosecutor Carol Spoor called the case “highly problematic” because the girl participated in sex acts under “situational pressure.”

State law, Spoor wrote, “places the burden on the victim to clearly communicate a lack of consent to the suspect, which she did not do.”

Most of the articles on this incident focus on the loss to the team of this player, at least for the Pac-10 tournament.  However, UW basketball coach Lorenzo Romar is quoted as saying he’d put Overton back on the team roster should they be invited to the NCAA tournament (otherwise known as “March Madness”).  Because his guy made a mistake, and this is a teachable moment.

As a teacher, I’m all for the teachable moment. Some mistakes, however, are more far-reaching than are others, and I am also all for appropriate consequences. For the girl who feels coerced, this experience will likely be deeper and longer-lasting than any repercussions felt by either the Huskies or Overton.

Every teenager and young adult will face “situational pressure.”  (Heck, EVERY person will face situational pressure, over and over, in their lifetimes.)  These instances can feel like being stuck between a rock and a hard place: the choice often seems to be between going along with the group or not having friends. How do we help young people recognize what they want for themselves, honor that, and still live fulfilling social lives? 
This should be a teachable moment for young people, male and female, about consent.  But we won’t be seeing that in the sports pages — or any other media pages — anytime soon. Sexual assault is the social-issue wolf disguised in the individual-sheep’s-problem clothing.

Madness, indeed, is not limited to March.

PS – Learning to assert boundaries is sadly lacking in too many teen girls today. This kind of sensible savvy is practiced in Strategic Living’s For Teen Girls Only Self Defense classes. Next session will be April 2 in Burlington WA, and then April 9 in Seattle on the UW campus.

Heck, this article is so short I might as well insert the whole thing:

A 24-year-old man arrested Oct.11 for kidnapping, attempted rape and gross sexual imposition said the woman he was visiting had actually been giving him “mixed signals,” according to an Elyria police report.

Melvin Jackson III, of Elyria, got naked and tried to have sex with the woman at her Washington Avenue home, the report said. The woman said she invited Jackson over to watch movies, but he began to touch her inappropriately, got undressed and refused to let her leave the room. The woman was able to run to a neighbor’s home and call police.

Good self defense on her part! She escaped and called the police.

Now, go to the story in The Morning Journal of 10/15/10 to look over the readers’ comments. As of the evening of Saturday, Oct 16, they are short and to the point: that poor guy was set up or played. Like, “everyone knows” if a woman invites a guy over to “watch movies,” she’s “asking for it,” right?

For all you women reading this, who cherish your freedom of association guaranteed by our great nation’s Constitution (including the right to watch a movie with whoever you’d like without that being mistaken for a promise of sex), you are almost certainly sending “mixed signals” to someone. Yes, there are still those who assume that being alone and together means you want “it” (and they’re not always men).

So here are just a couple of red flags that you should be looking out for. While it’s not an all-inclusive list, these are 3 biggies:

  • He makes snide or even outright nasty comments about women in general, or about ex-girlfriends,
  • He seems to want to get intimate very quickly, and gets upset if you’re not comfortable with his timetable, and
  • He ignores you when you have objections or otherwise say no to his plans.

For those of you in the Seattle area, this is covered in Session 4 of Self-Defense 101.


Dr. Patricia Rozee, a well known rape researcher, and Michelle McKenzie are conducting a research project on examining characteristics of rape resistance strategies in completed and attempted rapes. They hope to document the most effective strategies in preventing future rapes. This research is through California State University, Long Beach. They are looking for women, 18 years old or older, who have experienced rape or attempted rape, to take an anonymous, online survey that takes approximately 15 minutes to complete.




http://www.raperesistance.org/survey.html


That’s one of the most common question I get in my self-defense classes.  And I think women are very comfortable asking me, as I’m usually the shortest in the room.

Well, here’s a story of a 74 year old woman fighting off a young, strapping six footer. 

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/local/85934442.html

As I’ve mentioned (over and over), persistence is one of the keys in effective defense.  And Grandma sure had that!