After Deborah Horne from KIRO TV interviewed me about what women can do to stay safer, my evening class got a visit from Alison Grande and another cameraman from KIRO. They spent about an hour filming and briefly interviewing a couple of the students, and used probably about 20 seconds in this segment:
I have to say I’m glad that the media is also presenting what women can do for safety, not just recommending we stay home, quivering, until the police catch the creep(s).
I was on the air for about 12 minutes. Carol Carini interviewed me on KKNW 1150 AM the morning of Friday, August 17th, 2012. This was probably the hottest week of the summer, and the week I was directing a kids’ karate camp. Arrived at the dojo (karate school) especially early to wait for the phone to ring . . . and it rings, and it’s a sales call. But wait, the very instant I hang up my cellphone rings and it’s Carol!
We talk about if self-defense can be for any woman, what keeps some women from fighting back, what can seniors and children do, etc. Then Carol tells this cool success story, when she had to fight back. Very nice to be talking with a radio host who’s not asking, “but shouldn’t women not walk outside by themselves?”
Please listen at http://www.StrategicLiving.org/joanne-live-life-radio-show.mp3
If you could have a super power, what would it be?
Who would you save? Why?
I’ve been asking my self-defense students that question for about a year now. The answers range from invisibility to flying to super-speed to mind-reading to future-seeing. Now I want to hear from you. This is a contest, so yes there are prizes.
First prize: iPod shuffle. Second and third prizes: Amazon.com and iTunes gift cards.
Check out this video describing the contest:
Now visit Strategic Living’s Super Shero page to check out the requirements and online entry form. Get your stuff together and submit. Deadline is April 15th at midnight (Pacific Coast time).
Evil-doers need not apply.
The Dominique Strauss-Kahn (or DSK) story has followed a partly unpredictable course. First of all, most sexual assaults are not reported, including those committed by members of the cultural elite. Second, most assailants are not caught if the assault is reported. Even if arrested, most assailants are not prosecuted. So I was initially impressed at the speed of this beginning of this story, where the hotel maid reported, the police found evidence, and an arrest worthy of a TV drama (as the plane that DSK was on was preparing to take off). Wow, I thought, are the planets and stars in some special alignment? Did the Universal Law of Karma supplant the Golden Rule (he who has the gold . . . rules)?
But more recently the Kosmos has returned to business as usual. Irregularities have been found in the past of the maid. She is a poor immigrant. Seems she lied on asylum papers. She knows people who are serving time in jail. She has multiple cell phones.
None of which have anything to do with the rape charges. All of which may derail the prosecution’s case.
As any number of women who have tried to prosecute rape have found out, stuff like that matters to a significant number of potential jurors. As a culture, we like our victims stainless. And if the victim comes across as less than a madonna (not to be confused with pop icon Madonna), if they come across as a real person with warts and fears and the possibility that 20 years ago they may have inhaled, they are not deserving of justice. (That’s why assailants will often seek out targets who they think cannot withstand a caustic public scrutiny.) Very few people will actually come out and say that, but actions such as votes in a jury do speak louder.
Currently, it’s estimated that between one in eight to one in five women will be targeted for sexual assault sometime in their life. If you are one, here are my recommendations should you choose to report and prosecute, regardless of whether or not you fought back, evaded rape, or complied with the assailant’s demands.
PS – I was thinking of writing on DSK’s peanut gallary (i.e., those public figures who insisted that a man of DSK’s standing would NEVER commit rape). Jon Stewart, however, did such a good job, and as I always say if you can’t beat it, link to it.
Lilith is one cool cat. And she’s not afraid of you.
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| Lilith, a 17 year old with spring and verve of a cat a quarter her age. |
Indeed, Lilith will readily come over to any visitor and “allow” herself to be adored and petted. She is fine and mellow when she recognizes that appropriate due is being paid to her by adoring fans. She is the Queen of the house, and she knows it.
But don’t let her outward appearance deceive you — Lilith has a core of razor steel. What she wants, she gets (like cheese, milk, and chocolate ice cream). And what she doesn’t want, well . . .
At the risk of understatement, cats do not like taking their medicines. Pilling a cat, rare as it is in my household, is still onerous. Each cat has its own means of resistance, and Lilith’s is among the most effective.
Most cats struggle from the moment they realize you’re holding the dreaded pill and looking at them. But not my Lilith. She purrs. She headbutts and rubs her cheeks against my hands as I maneuver her in place between my knees. She purrs some more, and as I shift my attention ever so slightly to get the pill in my hand ready to launch, she springs. Her move is not at all explosive or drastic, it’s more like she’s the proverbial greased pig. One moment she’s “securely” nestled in my grasp, and the next she’s disappearing under the couch.
Her key is relaxation and timing.
Lilith, secure in her knowledge that she’ll triumph, lulls us into believing we’ve got her. Relaxation also gives her speed and slickness when she makes her move. But her suppleness alone isn’t quite enough — Lilith can recognize when our attention is just a bit distracted, and she picks that moment for a successful escape.
Sometimes in a threatening situation, your best recourse is feigning compliance. You go along with the assailant’s demands, watching for your opening. Waiting for that momentary distraction (or the chance to create one). And, should that window open, you will be ready to spring into action.
(For practice in what “springing” actions would work best, take a self-defense class. Two 5-week courses are beginning soon: one in Bellevue this coming Saturday July 9, another in Seattle on Monday July 11.)
Sometimes that window will not open. You have to realize that in self-defense sometimes your choice is between bad and worse. That’s the reality. After-care is crucial (and that’s a topic for another blog post).
Take this quick quiz to find out how much you do know about that part of global violence relegated to the inside pages (if at all) in most newspapers.
Really, this will only take about 4 minutes of your time.
OK, taking a quiz by itself won’t end the violence. But there is this marketing acronym: TOMA. That’s Top of Mind Awareness. Those items you hear about or see most often get more attention and action. More action against violence is (to quote Martha Stewart) a good thing. Duh! (to quote Charlie Sheen, who I still do not fear).
PS – Want to learn what you can do to keep yourself safe, as well as actions you can take to make your community safer? Self-Defense 101 for Women.
Honestly, I’m not as hip as I once was. I just don’t follow pop music like I used to, don’t know who’s hot and who’s not. Partly, even after decades of discussion about how to appropriately represent women in media (as full participants rather than body parts), I do get tired of the same old “objectification of women” show year after year, just with different faces.
A while back I heard an interview on NPR with a new singer named Ke$ha. I didn’t know anything about her music, but the interview was intriguing. She seemed to be one smart cookie. I did check her out a bit on iTunes and alas was not similarly intrigued by her recordings (to her credit, though, the way she spells her name should give us all a clue on her priorities).
And just a few minutes ago I read this blog post from Hollaback!: http://www.ihollaback.org/blog/2011/04/12/keha-hollaback-hero/
Written by Melissa Fabello, a high school teacher, she talks about one Ke$ha song that actually addresses street harassment, and some of what she’s overheard students saying:
I’ve overheard more than one female student quote the song and then turn to her friend like, “Seriously, why do they do that?” inadvertently inciting an entire conversation dedicated to the injustices of gender-based violence inextricably laced inside street harassment. They share stories, vent, and leave the conversation feeling justified and validated – this is a problem, and I’m not alone.
OK, maybe I personally am not excited (after listening to this song) about the lyrics focusing on OLD AGE = DINOSAUR = CREEPY and I wish the emphasis would have been on they guy’s creepy behavior (because young guys do this crap also), but if this generated discussion, there’s some merit.
This is what the best of pop culture should be doing — bringing up otherwise awkward topics. Inciting discussion and sharing of stories, that each of us is NOT alone. And that makes a discussion of harassment cool.
One of my students asked about a situation she’d recently faced while running on a local trail. A guy on a bike seemed to be pacing her, trying to chat with her. The really chilling question she remembered was him asking where her car was parked. ???? Why was he interested, she thought, can’t be good. She told him a parking lot a bit further up, where there would be more people (and where her car was NOT parked). He rode off. As she ran past the lot she could see him there, waiting. She left him waiting and went on (apparently he didn’t see her go by, or he didn’t follow).
The class brainstormed other options, just in case. One woman suggested that she tell every other runner and jogger she meets something like “hey, did you see that guy on the bicycle? The one asking women where they’ve parked their car, and then waits for them. Really creepy! Spread the word.” Soon you can get a buzz going, and people will actively be on the lookout for the guy. This is a GREAT suggestion, as it gets people more aware as well as looking out for each other.
As I wrote 4 days ago, there are no “rules of engagement” in self-defense. These are tools you can use to keep safe, and they work. Most of the time. Your mileage will vary depending on the situation and your skill level. And this is the most important tool of all.
Use your voice. Use it early and often.
This is your single most critical weapon. Assault is a battle of power and control. When you use your voice, you command power. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ve seen this before. If you’ve taken a Strategic Living self defense class you know the importance of your voice and practiced using it.
Yell direct commands at the assailant. Words like “no” and “stop” and “back off” and “let go” give the message that you are taking your power and using it.
Afterwards, find supportive people to tell. This can include family and friends, crisis clinic hotline or sexual assault advocates, and law enforcement. Your choice, your voice.
As I wrote 2 days ago, there are no “rules of engagement” for self-defense.
Once you begin fighting back physically, keep going until you’ve cleared your escape. You can think of this as fighting until your assailant is either on the ground, stunned, or running away (do NOT run after them). In most cases, this is 1 or 2, up to about 5, good techniques. Do NOT pause in the middle – you would be giving your assailant the time they need to recoup and remount their own attack. Stay in motion. Keep at least one of your weapons (hands/feet/elbows/knees) on the assailant at all times.
Take their balance. If the assailant is off-balance, they will have difficulty continuing their attack. Remember to find where their “kangaroo tail*” or “third leg*” should be. Use your hip check* to send them downwards into that point.
You will be too close for your comfort. Most likely you will want to get FAR AWAY from the creep. Yet in a fight you will very likely be in hugging distance. Yes, that is where you want to be, and it will be unsettling. This proximity will give you your best position to fight back effectively.
Practice you physical moves so that they are smooth and reflexive.
And remember that all the smooth moves in the world are useless if your brain is denying that somebody is in the process of harming you.
*Learn how to do these and more in Strategic Living’s self-defense classes for women.