Self-Defense Success Story from “O Magazine”

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Alert reader Donna saw this article in Oprah’s magazine.  It recounts how one woman out jogging used the self-defense skills she had learned in a class long ago.

As I was reading October’s issue of “O” Magazine on a bright, sunny Seattle morning this weekend, I came across an article written by Kris who describes how the self-defense skills she had previously learned in a women’s self-defense class came in handy one dreadful day when she was almost raped.   Fortunately, Kris had remembered the physical and verbal defense skills she had learned and put them to work when she was attacked.   Physical self defense tactics are one of the most important skills a woman can learn. 

You can read Kris’ story online.

Kris recognized the reality of imminent physical harm, used decisive targets, and used her voice effectively.  Kudos to Kris!

And thanks to Donna for sharing.

PS – do you want to learn what Kris knew?  A new cycle of six week self-defense courses will be offered beginning this coming January.  Can’t spare 6 weeks?  Try the five hour self-defense seminars — next one is December 15.

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Car Stalk

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I usually don’t get to hear NPR’s program Car Talk on Saturday mornings. I’m generally off teaching a class at that time. But this past Saturday found me chasing a “sick” cat, trying to get her in the cat carrier to go to visit the vet. Soon as she heard the sound of the carrier door open, she dashed upstairs, faster than I imagined, and under the bed, in a place impossible for me to reach. So, a very frustrated me got to listen to the radio.

It was the final caller that really got my attention. Myrna’s question was about finding a possible GPS device put on her car by her soon-to-be-ex-husband. Turns out her to-be-ex was a control freak, in that he read her mail and email, and always insisted on knowing where she was going and had been. And now that there’s a nasty divorce in process, he’s reaching out.

Tom and Ray had some funny suggestions (hey, this is a comedy show). They surmised that the devise was certainly affixed to the car’s undercarriage by a magnet, and would be apparent once a mechanic got the car on a lift. They suggested she park her car in front of her to-be-ex’s best friend’s house overnight, or attach it to other cars (even a different car each day), to mess with his tracking.

You can listen to the show here (http://www.cartalk.com/Radio/WeeklyShow/online.html) until the next episode comes out. Segment 10.

I’m glad Myrna felt secure enough about her safety to be light-hearted about this guy’s possible stalking behavior, but other women whose partners are putting GPS devices on their cars may not be able to take it so casually. As a self-defense teacher, I regularly have students who’ve been stalked, and it’s a harrowing experience. I recommend that if you believe that your car is being tracked via GPS, please contact your local domestic violence hotline for advice, especially if their stalker has a history of threatening or committing violence.

And my partner finally crawled under the bed, hauled out the cat, and took her to the vet. She’s fine now. But we knew that, she’s got her sassy back.

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Ke$ha: One Smart Cookie

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Honestly, I’m not as hip as I once was. I just don’t follow pop music like I used to, don’t know who’s hot and who’s not. Partly, even after decades of discussion about how to appropriately represent women in media (as full participants rather than body parts), I do get tired of the same old “objectification of women” show year after year, just with different faces.

A while back I heard an interview on NPR with a new singer named Ke$ha. I didn’t know anything about her music, but the interview was intriguing.  She seemed to be one smart cookie. I did check her out a bit on iTunes and alas was not similarly intrigued by her recordings (to her credit, though, the way she spells her name should give us all a clue on her priorities).

And just a few minutes ago I read this blog post from Hollaback!: http://www.ihollaback.org/blog/2011/04/12/keha-hollaback-hero/

Written by Melissa Fabello, a high school teacher, she talks about one Ke$ha song that actually addresses street harassment, and some of what she’s overheard students saying:

I’ve overheard more than one female student quote the song and then turn to her friend like, “Seriously, why do they do that?” inadvertently inciting an entire conversation dedicated to the injustices of gender-based violence inextricably laced inside street harassment.  They share stories, vent, and leave the conversation feeling justified and validated – this is a problem, and I’m not alone.

OK, maybe I personally am not excited (after listening to this song) about the lyrics focusing on OLD AGE = DINOSAUR = CREEPY and I wish the emphasis would have been on they guy’s creepy behavior (because young guys do this crap also), but if this generated discussion, there’s some merit.

This is what the best of pop culture should be doing — bringing up otherwise awkward topics. Inciting discussion and sharing of stories, that each of us is NOT alone. And that makes a discussion of harassment cool.

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Running. Safety. Again.

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One of my students asked about a situation she’d recently faced while running on a local trail. A guy on a bike seemed to be pacing her, trying to chat with her. The really chilling question she remembered was him asking where her car was parked.  ???? Why was he interested, she thought, can’t be good. She told him a parking lot a bit further up, where there would be more people (and where her car was NOT parked). He rode off. As she ran past the lot she could see him there, waiting. She left him waiting and went on (apparently he didn’t see her go by, or he didn’t follow).

The class brainstormed other options, just in case.  One woman suggested that she tell every other runner and jogger she meets something like “hey, did you see that guy on the bicycle? The one asking women where they’ve parked their car, and then waits for them. Really creepy! Spread the word.” Soon you can get a buzz going, and people will actively be on the lookout for the guy. This is a GREAT suggestion, as it gets people more aware as well as looking out for each other.

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Rules of Engagement for Using Physical Skills Self Defense (#3)

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As I wrote 4 days ago, there are no “rules of engagement” in self-defense.  These are tools you can use to keep safe, and they work. Most of the time. Your mileage will vary depending on the situation and your skill level. And this is the most important tool of all.

Use your voice. Use it early and often.

This is your single most critical weapon. Assault is a battle of power and control. When you use your voice, you command power. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you’ve seen this before. If you’ve taken a Strategic Living self defense class you know the importance of your voice and practiced using it.

Yell direct commands at the assailant. Words like “no” and “stop” and “back off” and “let go” give the message that you are taking your power and using it.
 
Afterwards, find supportive people to tell. This can include family and friends, crisis clinic hotline or sexual assault advocates, and law enforcement. Your choice, your voice.

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Rules of Engagement for Using Physical Skills Self Defense (#2)

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As I wrote 2 days ago, there are no “rules of engagement” for self-defense.

Once you begin fighting back physically, keep going until you’ve cleared your escape. You can think of this as fighting until your assailant is either on the ground, stunned, or running away (do NOT run after them). In most cases, this is 1 or 2, up to about 5, good techniques. Do NOT pause in the middle – you would be giving your assailant the time they need to recoup and remount their own attack. Stay in motion. Keep at least one of your weapons (hands/feet/elbows/knees) on the assailant at all times.

Take their balance. If the assailant is off-balance, they will have difficulty continuing their attack. Remember to find where their “kangaroo tail*” or “third leg*” should be. Use your hip check* to send them downwards into that point.

You will be too close for your comfort. Most likely you will want to get FAR AWAY from the creep. Yet in a fight you will very likely be in hugging distance. Yes, that is where you want to be, and it will be unsettling. This proximity will give you your best position to fight back effectively.

Practice you physical moves so that they are smooth and reflexive.

And remember that all the smooth moves in the world are useless if your brain is denying  that somebody is in the process of harming you.

*Learn how to do these and more in Strategic Living’s self-defense classes for women.

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Rules of Engagement for Using Physical Skills Self Defense (#1)

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First, there are no rules.

Rules are for sports and other forms of civil conduct. Assault is most definitely uncivil.

Your goal — should you realize that is this one of the rare instances where you need to physically fight back — should be to disable your attacker long enough to escape. Strikes or gouges to the eyes, throat, groin, and knees are most quickly and effectively debilitating. These targets are not pain-dependent, are easy to find, and you don’t need perfect aim or great speed and strength.

Sometimes this is referred to as “dirty” fighting. I simply call it self-defense. Personally, I feel that calling self-defense somehow “dirty” bathes it in a transgressive mystique, simultaneously fascinating and transgressive. I don’t buy into that usage. Self-defense should not be relegated to the fringe of indecency. (I prefer to reserve the phrase “dirty” fighting for instances of sports fighting where one contender uses illegal techniques to win.)

We are the only species on the planet that not only largely discourages females from learning physical safety skills, we also largely and deliberately disseminate MIS-information about women’s abilities to fight effectively. The 411 on women’s self-defense is emPOWERing.

Learn more about self defense classes in Seattle — skills you can use.

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From Home Alarm Monitoring’s Blog

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Got an email from one of my blog’s readers a few day ago. His company, Home Alarm Monitoring, has its own blog about safety.  He thought that readers of Safety in Seattle would also be interested in this post:

http://www.homealarmmonitoring.org/year/10-types-of-self-defense-anyone-can-learn/

Written by a woman who was mugged right outside her home, she gives ten tips that she feels would have helped her at that time.  I like her emphasis on easy ways to fight back, and in my self defense classes have students drill these, and more.

Thanks, Allen, for sharing!

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Fight Back = AWEsome!

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Three days ago I was contacted by Kassi Rodgers, an editor for the Seattle University Spectator (their newspaper) about safety and self-defense in and around campus (as well as the greater Capitol Hill area). Her article came out yesterday.

And I was not the only one to notice that when women fight back against their assailants, they tend to succeed.

You can read the entire article here.

Did I mention that when women fight back, they tend to win? In this article, I also mentioned that more women are reactive than proactive. Yet waiting until something evil is on your doorstep is not the best time to learn to defend yourself.

You too can learn some pretty simple yet amazingly effective self-defense techniques. What are you waiting for?

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But That’s RUDE!

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In classes for teen girls I’m often asked what to do when some guy, either a stranger or someone they barely know, approaches and begins asking overly personal questions.  A simple “I don’t want to talk at this time” is certainly polite, and right to the point. “I don’t give out that information,” said in a neutral tone, is also direct and sets a boundary without being nasty.

But some girls still take issue with a direct response. Because it’s “rude.” And I hear from some adults who work with girls that it’s just “who they are.”

Who are you, really?

Are you always the person you wish you could be?

Food writer Ruth Reichl faced similar questions, but in a different context. As the restaurant critic of The New York Times beginning in 1993, Reichl knew that her reviews would powerfully influence the rise and fall of restaurants big and small; a great review could mean vastly increased revenue and prestige. Restaurant kitchens, she found, had Reichl’s picture plastered on the wall and a reward for any staff member who spotted her. Reichl’s clever solution was to come up with disguises for her dining excursions. And her disguises went beyond wigs and makeup — she envisioned what kind of person she’d become. With the help of an acting coach, she transformed herself. And it worked, sometimes too well. She found herself falling into her roles–often to the delight, but sometimes to the dismay, of her dining companions.(Reichl details her escapades in her charming book Garlic and Sapphires: The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise.)

“Chloe” was a blonde bombshell who seemed to know precisely how to intrigue men. “Brenda” was warm, funny, kind, and approachable. Elderly “Betty” blended into the furniture, and was treated as a castoff. “Emily” was brusque and bitter. All different  personalities, yet along the way Reichl recognized them all as elements within herself (and she decides she wants more Brenda and less Emily). Reichl had the epiphany that controlling how others treated her could be as simple as changing the way she dressed and projected herself. She tested this out, and for her it worked.

Reichl was able to effectively reconstruct herself for a slice of time, over and over, in different guises.  She got her job done.

Do you know precisely what you would do in any given situation? Do you ever do things that amaze you? That disappoint you? Do you ever say things you wish you could take back the minute it came out of your mouth for all the world to hear? Do you ever wonder how you had the presence of mind to say exactly the right thing, and wish you could do it more often?

That’s resilience in an uncertain world. Grace under pressure. Cool, calm, collected. What’s not to like about those qualities?

As I tell my class participants, self-defense has a performance component. Regardless of who you believe you are, you all have the same job to get done, of keeping yourself safe. You can act. You can project yourself as a skilled, confident person on your own mission, and pity the fool who tries to mess with you.

Personally, I believe my time is valuable. I feel I should choose with whom to spend, not squander, my time. Otherwise I’ll end up treated as someone else’s entertainment, emotional barf bag, or — at worst — victim.

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